Are we aware of the changes in Society?
The syndrome argued that you could put a frog in a pan of cold water. If you raised the temperature slowly the frog would not jump out. Instead, it would die. Modern science proves that the frog jumps out as soon as it becomes uncomfortable. Early experiments are blamed for the myth. It is suspected that many of their frogs were anesthetized or already brain dead.
Are we, like the mythical frog, missing the huge changes in Society. The changes in life for the elderly, because they are so gradual.
The “Life Course Model”
The “Life Course” approach sees life as a series of events. As a concept it was first developed in sociology. It assumes ageing is an individual development process. Its perspective is that there are sequential life stages. The transitions from one stage to the next form pathways. Each transition generates stressors. Our responses to those stressors develop us. Those transitions can affect our financial status like “getting a job” or “buying a house”. They can be transformational when we move from being an “individual” to being a “parent”. Others can change our perspective on life. To lose parents or close friends can have profound effects on our motivations. The impact depends on our trajectory(See Newsletter #115 Models of Life).
In a single generation many of the pathways have change or been redefined. Most have moved to a later age. The milestones by which we manage our lives are moving. Each will have affected us but did we notice how we had been stressed and developed?
Bringing up Children: being a parent is different
Children stay at home for longer. The age for people to leave home in the UK today is 24. This is up from 21 only ten years ago. Today 22.4% of households have an adult child living at home. 61% of adult children living at home were men.
In the UK in 1980 15% of people went to university. Today that number is over 50%. There are many more students within families going away or staying at home. The age at which people start work has, however, not changed very much since 2011. It is 23 for men and 24 for women. Since the late 1990’s more women have gone to university than men. In 2022, 319,000 women started university versus 245,000 men. Young men are missing out and seem to be staying at home.
By the age of 28 half of children have left home and are living with a partner. In 2011 72% of them would have been married or in a civil partnership. This year that number fell below 50% for the first time. The ritual of the British family wedding is far less common. A generation ago in 1970 there were 415,000 weddings. In 2023 there were 224,000 from a much bigger population. The norms are changing and parents must adapt.
Becoming a Grandparent has changed
The age that a woman becomes a UK mother has increased dramatically in a single generation. In 1970 it was 21 years old. Their partners were 23. By 2000 that mother would be 51 years old and their daughter 30 years old. She will not have become a mother at 21. There will be no 9-year-old grandchild. By 2020 the age of becoming a mother had risen to 29 and today it is over 30. In 2021 more than half of all babies were born out of wedlock for the first time since records began.
The age at which a mother becomes a grandmother has moved with the age of motherhood. In 2011 20% of women aged 50 were already a grandmother. Today that number is 9%. The most likely age of becoming a grandparent has become 65. That is up from 61 only ten years ago.
Fertility has changed dramatically. It was 2.4 children per UK female in 1970. Today it is 1.5. Families are shrinking. Christmas lunches are more likely to include great grandparents. There will, however, be fewer children at the table(See Newsletter #170 Sitting on the fence).
Today half of the population owned their own home (with a mortgage) by the age of 36. That number was 32 twenty years ago. House price inflation has pushed the number back. Unless the “bank of mum and dad” has been able to help. Parents are becoming banks.
Becoming a Carer for young and old
Becoming a grandparent can often include a new role. Becoming a carer for grandchildren. To allow one’s children and their partners to continue working. In 1970 just over 50% of women were working. That has now risen to 72%, only 5% lower than the employment rate for men. However there has been a huge shift in roles in the home and at the workplace. The way your children live their lives is completely different to the model you know.
We care for ageing partners and siblings. Today a quarter of people in their fifties are already carers. The most likely age when people are providing unpaid care is now 59. Women still carry the bulk of the burden. At that age parents are also reaching their fourth age. They too need care from the same individuals who have a childcare role (See Newsletter #86 The Longevity Dividend III.
The End of Marriages
Some take on the role of divorcee. The incidence of divorces is growing, even though the number of marriages is declining. UK divorces peaked in numbers in 1993 and have declined since. Much of the decline is due to the drop in the number of marriages. Of the couples married in 1963, 7.8% of them were divorced before their tenth anniversary. 22.8% were divorced by their 20th anniversary and 27.1% by their 40th anniversary. Of those married in 2013 23.6% were divorced by their 10th anniversary and 40.7% by the 20th. For couples married in 2013 the rate has fallen to 16% divorced by their 10th anniversary.
Becoming a widow or widower is something that everyone faces. Men are expected to die first. However, life expectancies are equalizing and this trend is declining. At the age of 60-64 in 1991 18.5% of women could have expected to be a widow. That dropped to 9.4% in 2011 and 7.2% in 2021. (Widow here is defined as a woman who has been in a marriage or civil partnership). By the age of 75-79 in 1991 55.6% of women could have expected to be a widow. This fell to 41.8% in 2021. Men still have a shorter life expectancy. Today above the age of 85, 72% of women and 37.1% of men can expect to have lost their partner.
Perhaps the greatest surprise of all is that we are expected to live to the age of 90. Our parents died at much younger ages. (See Newsletter #242 Three Score Years and Ten). We can live longer, healthier but what do we with all that time?
The old are accused of not being innovative. Look what they have coped with. The number of milestones to life that have moved. What resilience they must have to cope with all that change.
This Newsletter was inspired by a series of publications by the Office of National Statistics in the UK titled “milestones….”